From Captivity to Freedom

My life's journey was going along just like most other people around me. But, from childhood there was a restlessness in my mind and my intellect could not find the way to quell it, or find solutions or answers. Certain circumstances changed, all that I thought was meant to be, was suddenly under a scanner.

This happened pretty late, a little after I'd crossed fifty; late enough for one to normally feel insecure, uprooting all that I'd worked towards achieving till then. But the call was loud and clear. I had to walk a different path, to achieve clarity about my purpose of coming on earth. The transition was difficult, I'd say, very painful at times. As a friend of mine told me, "It's not hurdles or problems, these are lifelong bondages being released. The sound of those shackles being cut, and the pain while it is happening is difficult to bear, but you will realise and value your freedom later." How prophetic her words were.

The very meaning of the word spirituality, was unknown to me. I had confused it with religion. Customary rituals had always appeared so much mumbo jumbo and kept me from following any one religion.

Born a Sikh, educated in Christian institutes, married into a Hindu family, I would try to please all the Gods, reluctantly, just to save face. None of it was satisfying or acceptable to me. Somewhere deep inside my core, faith in an unknown power and my own intrinsic goodness, had lain dormant. One after the other, spiritual teachers kept appearing in my life and blessing me with their Grace.

A time came when I was standing on the edge of a precipice and I had to decide whether I wanted to soar high into freedom or fall into an abyss of confused life again. The seed of faith sprouted, piercing the bosom of  the earth, of my questioning rational mind.  Medical education made it more difficult, for I was used to putting everything under a microscope, to verify it's existence.

Learning to 'surrender' took years of  rising and slipping backwards repeatedly. The millstone of old beliefs hung around my neck, which further delayed my progress. Slowly miracles took place. If everything was 'His,' well then the responsibility was also 'His' of showing me the correct path. For that, a willingness and exercise of free will, in making the right choices, was necessary. The ego plays such tricks and my mind was a monkey jumping all over. The personality took a beating as old habits and patterns were difficult to break. Often, I would feel that I had lost everything in search of something I had no idea about.

   All this kept me in turmoil for quite some time, with a slow churning and resolutions to my questions, till it dawned on me that every moment is an opportunity to question one's intention behind every thought, word and deed. The inner demons that imprison us due to old limiting beliefs and self imposed captivity can be vanquished, by questioning and examining our intent.

That alone will sublimate one's thoughts towards purity and lead from captivity to freedom.