Sunday, 8 April 2018




                                                         



Ampat Koshy shared Kaafiya's post.

https://www.facebook.com/KaafiyaPoetry/photos/a.1669542616613957.1073741828.1663510403883845/2160703880831159/?type=3&theater

                               This is such a happy moment for me.
Extremely humbled and elated at this honour of being featured by KaafiyaMilao so beautifully.

My heartfelt thanks to team Kaafiya for this gracious gesture.
I am also extremely thankful to Dr. Ampat Koshy and team TSL for making this possible.

Wish to share this joyful moment and thank my friends and readers who have all along been with me, supported and cheered me on.
 

                                             

 

Saturday, 17 March 2018

Reflections of a Misfit

                                     
                                 
                               
                                            REFLECTIONS OF A MISFIT


Lidia Yuknavitch’s memoir, ‘The Chronology of Water,’ is about how being a misfit interrupted her dreams of competitive Olympic swimming and overcoming it. Her words inspired me to write about my own transition from the ugly silkworm to a beautiful butterfly soaring in freedom. I wanted to write about the painful journey of a misfit and the fire that rages in her innermost core before it sublimates and she comes out a winner at the other end of that dark tunnel, having overcome her own demons.

 Being brutally candid, I would say that a misfit is so by her own judgments. SHE is the one who does not fit in, is lonely, lacking a sense of belonging for she belongs only to herself. Although she yearns to be accepted, when accepted by others, she herself moves away after some time; she is forever on a journey of self discovery, feeling different from society’s norms. At times I wonder who isn’t a misfit in some way or the other.

As a child I was a loner, quiet and introverted. Being extremely sensitive meant getting hurt easily; empathizing with the underdog, I ran into chances of becoming vulnerable myself. I would recede into my shell, only occasionally coming out of an emotional vacuum of my own making. However, that did not stop my true strengths from blossoming. Growing up, I became conscious of my intelligence and my hidden talents surfaced, which made me a popular student. I realized there was no need for loneliness or inadequacy. I could let my true colors shine and felt that being a misfit was awesome because I had something more, not less than others.

The years spent in medical studies were years of trial by fire, as I was not mentally equipped for the cut and dried, clinically cold and inhuman atmosphere there. I was an artist at heart and yearned to dance and sing on stage, but went through grueling studies because, during our youth, it was parents who decided about children’s careers. Few women went for higher studies. Being intelligent, I was convinced into believing that I was meant to become a doctor, one of the few ‘respectable’ professions for women. Putting my own dreams and aspirations into cold storage, I grappled with studies that were not only difficult but uninteresting and dry to my artistic temperament given to daydreaming and romanticizing.

The struggle to balance the harsh educational pressures against my soft, warm hearted temperament was a tough row to hoe alone. I was sickly and delicate; living in a hostel was not easy. I felt a total misfit within those boundaries.  My spirits lifted as I turned to writing poetry when too overwhelmed. I vacillated between creative surges and attempts at studious application to academics. Needless to say it tore me, as my grades fell. Having been a topper always, it was disheartening to accept my poor results. I almost wanted to ditch the whole idea of ever becoming a doctor, but could not dare to voice it to my parents, for fear of breaking their hearts and wasting their hard earned money. I tried to find new road maps for self discovery, whence I could juggle both career orientated studies as well as my artistic leanings.

A very welcome respite came in the form of youth festivals where I could excel on the stage, being one of the rare good English speakers. I would sweep every possible award. I won the best actress gold medal year after year. I had found an outlet for my suppressed emotions. With a ferocious energy I dug deeper into myself and tapped every aspect of my multifaceted personality, honing every talent of mine. With will power, honest intensity and an explosive force, I travelled the difficult and slow process of self discovery till I shone brilliantly.

As I was recognized for my extra-curricular talents and achievements, I started approving and loving myself more and more, getting better and better day by day. I realized I was not a MISFIT-I was UNIQUE. I started celebrating being different, not walking the beaten track, a little on the fringes, my very own special creation. If at times I felt a fish out of water I didn’t change myself, I found a new stream and soon recognized some incredible people who felt like me. I reached out and connected, even if for a short while. I drew support from others, who were not shy being who they were.  But, after some time I moved away again, because I would find myself not really fitting into a fixed mould. I took these phases as an opportunity to keep reinventing myself and new layers of the self kept getting discovered.

 I often drew inspiration from a quote I’d read somewhere, “Any dead fish can swim downstream but it takes a live one to swim upstream against the current.” I believed in myself –I was a ‘FREE SPIRIT.’ I came to terms that it was okay to be me. Why a clone? Being different was great, being me was better.

When I set up private practice after marriage, I went through great upheavals. Raising a family, fighting for my share in a world fast changing into one based on consumerism; my ethical ways were hardly the right tools to earn my living with. After a few years of teething troubles, I carved a niche for myself in the city, based on goodwill. I built bridges with patients as a compassionate and empathetic doctor, whom they trusted like a family member. I continued to keep my inner urge for creativity alive by nurturing all my talents. I was a recognized and popular public speaker, a familiar voice on the radio and a known TV personality. Over the years I was elected as chairperson of many organizations, channelizing my love and compassion for the down trodden into social work, while my profession earned me money, and the love and respect of my growing number of patients.

I retired from active practice about thirteen years ago around sixty, not because I was unable to work, but because I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing the things I’d put on hold, while still physically active and able to enjoy being different. I’m a full time householder, grandmother and writer, happy to be myself and follow my heart, wherever it takes me. Spending more time with my family and staying in touch with myself keeps me emotionally fulfilled.

Writing is my lifelong passion and has helped me earn great friends, some awards and the joy of seeing my name and writings in some anthologies, along with some money also. With more time I can devote myself to my spiritual practice which imparts a sense of peace and equanimity. I embrace and love myself fully for who I am, rather than deal with manipulations and judgments. I connect myself to the Source and draw sustenance in the winter of my life, from that which creates and sustains all.

I may warm some hearts, others may misunderstand me. I can only control my actions and not the RE-actions of others. I feel good about doing what I think is right, being kind to others and having the courage to be me. I know I am one of the coolest and most unique citizens of this widely diverse global community.

 

 

 

Friday, 9 March 2018




                                                  WHY DO WE ALLOW THIS?


After all the posts carrying complaints and grudges against the males in our lives, I feel we women should look inwards too.

Atrocities, female foeticide, domestic abuse , discrimination at work places- everything is happening - sadly true for many around the world, but, but....there are many good men too. Not everything bad that happens to women is perpetrated by men.


Many questions beg an answer, which we women should ask ourselves before crying foul :-

- why do educated, earning, thinking, independent women still allow this to happen ?
- do we ourselves overcome the self limiting beliefs drilled in our heads since centuries.
- do we work on ourselves - stand on our own feet.
- we women are emotional sponges, that is not an asset certainly.
- we confuse love and sexuality.
- age old traditions fetter are feet.  Do we have the courage to cut them and stop bothering about who thinks what about me?
- do we respect and love ourselves above everybody else. It is not being selfish - it is being self centered.
-  do I command respect or keep demanding /begging for it?
- am I as a package above reproach or faults ? If we expect to be accepted as we are , isn't it fair that we return the same attitude for men ?

We will have lots more power when  our roots are strong - get educated / learn a skill / learn self defense / learn about money and investments/ stop playing the dainty darling and then expect to be treated as an equal. Be strong to be considered strong.

We women tend to be clingy and dependent and then demand independence - can't have your cake and eat it too !!!

I know some may not agree with me -
this is my take - not that I have had an easy life - I've been through hell's brimstone , hit rock bottom, climbed out from abyss' of gloom to great achievements, recognition, reveled at peaks of glory and enjoy a great life today.

BECAUSE -
I BELIEVED IN MYSELF AND MY DREAMS !!
DO IT FOR YOURSELF
NOW - TODAY !!  SOAR HIGH !!
WITH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU !!

Sketch by my 11 year old grand- daughter
SUHANI

                                                                            

Thursday, 8 March 2018

               
रामगढ़ है जिसका नाम



रामगढ़ है उसका नाम !
दादा- दादी रहा करते थे जहाँ  ,
छुट्टियों में हम भी जाया करते थे वहां
गर्मियों की झुलसती आलसी  धुपहरि में
खा मिस्सी रोटी, दही के साथ
गटकते ठंडी लस्सी का इक बड़ा गिलास
और सो जाते दादी के चौबारे में,
बचपन की बेफिक्री का ओढ़े लिहाफ
उस भले ज़माने में
एक  छोटा सा गांव था मेरा, रामगढ़  है नाम.

खुली खिड़कियों से, हवा से होड़ लगाए
चहचहाती चिड़ियों की अंदर उड़ आती थी टोलीयां
खेतों खलियानो में सावन के गानो पे
झूमती मुटियारें, डाल के गिद्दे, बोलियां
खुशबू आती रिश्तों के प्यार की, अपनों के दुलार की
शाम होते, दादी, भटियारिन के यहाँ हमें ले कर जाती
ताज़े गर्म गर्म चने और मक्कई के दाने भुनवाती
बेरी बेर भेजती दादा के हाथ, न तोल मोल न दाम
छोटे से  उस गांव  में, रामगढ़  है जिसका नाम

बालटी पर लाल कपडा लपेट, कुल्फी वाला भी आया करता
पीपल के हरे हरे पत्तों पर, क्या ठंडी सफ़ेद कुल्फी
खुरच खुरच कर हमें खिलाता
उंगलियां चाटते, ठुडी तक  लार टपकाते
शाम से पहले थक कर, हम घर आ जाते
खाना खाते ,फिर छत पर बिस्तर बिछाते
डूबते सूरज को कर परनाम
बरामदे के लट्टू का बटन दबा कर,
दादी कहती वाहेगुरु सतनाम
पाखी घुमाती, कहानी सुनाती,ले जाती हमें परियों के धाम
उस छोटे से गांव से, रामगढ़  है जिसका  नाम.

सूरज की किरणे जब आँखें गुदगुदाती
दादी केतली में चाय लेकर, छत पर आती
चुस्की लगा खुद कप में पीती, फूक फूक प्लेट से हमें पिलाती
शुरू होता फिर एक और दिन का दौर
खाना ,खेलना, सोना, बस नहीं चाहिए था कुछ और
जाने का दिन नज़दीक जो आता जाता
बिना वजह हमें रोना आता, तब दादी बाज़ार ले जाती
कपडे, खिलौने  और माया राम की दुकान से बर्फी ,पेड़े हमें दिलाती
रेल में बैठ, हम बड़े शहर में, फिर धरते थे अपने पांव
छोड़ आते पीछे रामगढ़, छोटा सा वो मेरा गांव।

बड़े शहरों में पल बड़ कर, गए फिर बरसों के बाद
बड़ा बायपास निगल चुका था, सभी खेत और खल्यान
मेरे गांव का दिल चीरती, निकल गई इक सड़क  महान
कहीं होटेल , कहीं मॉल  और मल्टीप्लेक्स बने
माया राम की दुकान के यहाँ, इक फ़ूड कोर्ट था अब बना
फ़ास्ट फ़ूड के नाम पर जिसमे केमिकल्स का भंडार भरा
समुन्दर बन बह निकला आँखों से, पानी को मैं सकी न थाम
याद कर अपने उस गांव क़ो, रामगढ़  था जिसका नाम.

सतलुज दरिया का सूखा पानी, मर गई थी मछली सारी
फैक्टरियों के गृह प्रवेश पे, प्रसाद मिला था ज़हर भारी
बबूल काट काट सफेदा लगा था, उसे भी अब  काट गिराया
फोर वे लेन बनाने, जर्मनी से मशीने और मैनपावर भी था आया
बहरा हो गया आसमान, सुन सुन सैंकड़ो ट्रकों का शोर
बड़ी बड़ी इमारतें देखने देती, न चढ़ते सूरज को, न सुनहरी भोर
गीत सुनते फ़िल्मी, सुबह सवेरे, ऊँचे ऊँचे स्पीकरों से
न मंदिर से आवाज़ भजनों की, न आज़ान की मस्जित से
आँखें ढूंढे कोई अपना, मिला न कोई उनका निशान
न जाने कहाँ खो गया वो, रामगढ़  है जिसका नाम.

फेरी वाला अब जो आता, पॉपकॉर्न और चिप्स के पैकिट लाता
जिस में बंद बासीपन को, बूढ़ा जवान चटकारे लगाकर खाता
भटियारिन मरी , उजड़ी बेरियां , मोर भी  मर गए अब सारे
रातों को छत पर, ढूंढ़ते बच्चों को, भटकें  हैं चंदा मामा और सितारे
खिड़कियों में लगे ऐ सी, चिड़ियों को न अंदर आने देते
बंद कमरों में वीडियो गेम्स या टीवी, देखें बच्चे  लेटे लेटे
लड़के लड़कियां रात होते, सज सवर कर डिस्को जाते
मम्मी पापा जॉब से आएं, उसके बाद ही वह लौट के आते
दारू और नशों  में धुत, पहचाने न अपनी ही दलान
उसी राम के गांव में, जिसका रामगढ है बस नाम ही नाम.

दादा दादी की, अपने बचपन की,
जड़ें जुडी इस मिटटी में,
आना ही होगा बारम बार
घर तो मेरा यहीं रहेगा
चाहे घूम आऊं सारा संसार
यह शोर गुल और ताम झाम
चाहे बन गई इसकी पहचान
फिर भी, जब यादें देती दस्तक   
चल पड़ते  हैं इसकी ओर मेरे यह पांव
रामगढ जो अब बन गया शहर ,
फिर भी रहेगा मेरा गांव  ।
 Copyright @Dr. Sunil Kaushal26/02/2018





               




















 

Wednesday, 7 March 2018


                                                 MY TRIBUTE TO WOMANHOOD

 
                                                             KEEP LIFE ALIVE


                                                       One day cannot define me
                                                       one day cannot confine me
                                       I need the vast expanse of the unlimited skies
                                                     to celebrate my womanhood.

                                                             
                                                      My story is not only mine
                                                   in it are woven many others,
                                                yours, hers and many an other.
 
                                                 
                                        No barriers shall daunt my determined steps,
                                                   for once begun, my journey
                                                shall flow with roaring rivers,
                                                                 swallow all oceans
                                                     conquer mighty mountains
                                                    paint the skies with colours
                                            that scream of love, compassion, freedom
                                                  for soft sounds are inaudible
                                  to patriarchal ears accustomed to boorish voices
                                                  loudly proclaiming victories
                                        of war, bloodshed and suppression.
 
                                      
                                    I shall give my soul power, my soul wisdom a chance
                                         to ignite and emerge as the Divine Feminine.
                                                       a chance to break
                                            all bondages of names and labels,
                               as I bleed and bruise, scraping off my body
                                                the stinking slime of slanderous tongues
                                         as rats and vermin, with their rotten thoughts
                                              try to nibble at my self esteem and dignity.
 
                                                
                                                  I need no acquiescence, except my own
                                           to stride forth, brandishing my primal sword
                                                  bestowed on me by the Goddess
                                                   severing all self limiting beliefs,
                                                    all hurdles placed by naysayers,
                                               leading the way to a world of togetherness,
                                              celebrate life in totality, like Mother Nature.
 
                                                          
                                                        If I die, you perish too,
                                                   for you and I are inseparable,
                                                          better to live in harmony,
                                                           sing the same symphony.
                                                two halves of the same orb, together,
                                                                 keep life alive.

Tuesday, 13 February 2018

 

 

QUEEN OF ALL I SURVEY 


                                                                                   


 
 
The seed nurtured with maternal warmth
watered by the fountain of joy and mirth
soaked in the sunshine of paternal care
births the woman, who paints the sky
where only eagles dare to fly.
 
I want you to know that I, the woman
-       daughter, sister, mother or wife,
-       who sees only the possible in life
am beginning to understand that the world is inside me,
my perspective, my heart and in my psyche.
 
 
To find peace and strength, I look within;
learn to master my fear
scale mountains, fight wars and wipe many a tear
rewrite history with a new pen
to change the fate of the world and my fellowmen.
 
I, nurturer of all mankind
singing symphonies of joy and love
break barbarous shackles of every kind.
Why await another to berate me
why await another to liberate me?

 
Armed with weapons of truth and dare
loud and clear is my clarion call
come join arms, usher in a new day
as I ride the lion of courage
Head held high, Queen of all I survey !
Copyright@Dr. Sunil Kaushal
12/02/2018
 
 

 
 
 
 

 

Monday, 5 February 2018


                             BOOK REVIEW : by Dr Sunil Kaushal
 
                                          Dr Santosh Bakaya’s :
     ‘Flights From My Terrace: The Boy In Yellow Knickers

And Other Essays
 
                                                  
Dr. Santosh Bakaya, based at Jaipur, is an academician, poet and author who
 
started writing limericks while in the sixth standard.

Her father, himself a writer, greatly influenced her love for writing.

Writing mystery novels for young adults, she went on to a book of essays- ‘Flights From My Terrace,’ a book of memoirs and some essays. She has been critically acclaimed for her poetic biography – ‘Ballad Of Bapu.’ She has also won the Reuel  International Award for her long poem, ‘O Hark’ in May,2016. The Pentasi b friendship Poetry group and the Ghana Government conferred her with the Universal Inspirational Award. Many of her poems have made it to the highly commendable category of Destiny Poets, a UK based poetry website, besides having figured in many international anthologies. Her book, 'Where are the Lilacs', a collection of peace poems, is also winning international laurels. Her other books are ‘Under the Apple Boughs,’ besides she has co-edited a compilation of prize winning ghost stories, ‘Darkness there, but Something More,’ and two anthologies- one of contemporary women poets and the other an anthology on parents, ‘Umbilical Chords.’ Her stories in the anthology, ‘Silhouette I &II’ are captivating.   
                                                      


 ‘Flights From My Terrace’ is a delightful collection of 58 essays, mostly memoirs and ‘The Boy in Yellow Knickers’ an endearing experience during her trip to Accra, Ghana. The narrative not only captures the interest of the reader but amuses and excites as well, being full of real life. The bite sized chapters make for great reading for those on the go. It is a book I would recommend for all reasons and all seasons, all ages and all stages.  

First my eleven year old grand- daughter - grabbed the book as soon the courier was delivered in my hands, and had hopped onto Santosh’s chariot (the wings of her imagination), before I could get a chance myself. Off and on I would surreptitiously lay my hands on it, read a chapter or two, when the little scamp did not lock it in her cupboard, before going to school !

With a great sense of loss, I shut the book ‘Flights from my Terrace’ as I finished reading it. It took me much longer than the time I’ve ever spent reading such a readable and compelling book as this one. Halfway through, I deliberately slowed down, taking it in slowly, savoring it like the last piece of my favorite chocolate, not wanting it to finish. But one day it finally did.

The book awakens emotions, sensibilities and ignites a curiosity about the minutest aspects of everyday life. She paints it with a brush of keen observation, an identification and connection with lives of all colours and hues, the rich and poor, the master and worker, parents and children, siblings and friends, students and teachers—in fact there is no aspect of life she does not touch, in the way we think or believe, how we form relationships and what we ask for in life.

That truly sends the reader too on a journey of nostalgia and introspection as she chronicles her mind’s meanderings into nostalgic lanes, replete with memories of her childhood, her parental home, the loss of her grandmother and later her beloved father, including the loss of her homeland. She grieves as deeply for her longtime aged helper Mitthu Khan and Nipper, her pet.  Her own childhood reawakens as she takes trips back and forth into her daughter, Iha’s childhood.  Throughout, her daughter and her husband, Lalit’s tugs and pulls keep bringing her back to the reality of the present or she would perpetually be on flights into time and space like the colourful kites that make a frequent appearance in her writings.

One feels that the world only revolves around me and that there is no room for anything else beyond what is in and around my life. Just extend your vision with Santosh and see the world with eyes meant for a wider canvas. She reminds me of the time I saw the first cinemascope movie in color - was it Mother India or Navrang, I don’t remember, but my view of the cinema world changed forever. That is what she does to her readers.

Her stories make you ask ….what is life?

Everyday what she experiences, sees or hears becomes fuel for her creative          mind. Every interaction, item, and event inspires her into writing, prompts her imagination, and entices the reader into exploring her world as she travels in her chariot from her childhood to her present life as a prolific writer.

She waves her pen like a magic wand, as she describes heady men, headless mannequins, birds that fall to the ground to be healed by a family of compassionate souls, be it her father, her daughter and husband or Santosh herself; the same birds soaring again into the limitless skies having been tended to, by their loving and caring hands; Nipper and Lazy, as much her family as her merry band of siblings and friends, with her as a ring leader and eager participant and prankster in all the escapades they undertook; sunrises vying with sunsets in descriptions of their glorious beauty, the sands and storms of arid Rajasthan juxtaposed against the splendorous  and scintillating beauty of her ‘heart land’ Kashmir where the placid waters of the Dal lake, the lilacs, the cuisines spiced with the heart warming love of her homeland’s people, tug at the heartstrings as she is pulled towards her roots, yet sees no hope of a return, feeling a stranger in her own home.

Her emotions range from the excited screeching and yelling of a youngster, the grief of losing loved ones, the warmth of maternal love as she delights and at times gets exasperated at the different stages and moods as her daughter grows from infancy to adulthood, the struggles of living life as the common man, travelling to and from Bharatpur to Jaipur in ramshackle buses with all sorts of climatic challenges, but all the time writing, writing and writing. I wonder if anything ever escapes her keen eye as it takes in more than is visible to most of us. When she takes us along on her travels, she is not showing us new lands or new experiences – all she does is show us our everyday life with a new pair of eyes.

The words and phrases that slip off her pen, like ‘so much of a muchness’, facebooker prize, to-ing and fro-ing or pighling’ lend a delightful newness to the English language, adding to her already vast and astounding vocabulary be it metaphors, similes or alliteration.

 I cannot sign off without mentioning the comments of my eleven year old grand- daughter, Mishti –‘ Nancy (her endearment for me) this book is awesome. I read many chapters but you know, today I read that story Daughter’s Day.’

 ‘So, did you enjoy it?’

‘I was overwhelmed to realize that every day is Daughter’s Day for a mother !’

Profound observation gleaned by a little child, for Santosh has woven many such philosophical thoughts into her writings which are full of bonhomie, camaraderie and lighthearted humour as well.

 ‘Yes, another request Naani - can I please have this book autographed by Aunty?’