In memory of my mother and for all caregivers whose dear ones have suffered from Alzheimer's Disease.




LOSING YOU

I cannot recall when it really started arising

between us a misty curtain settled slowly

as  the lines that separated our worlds

grew further and further apart

while we lost you bit by bit

there never again came a time

when we could call it a day

bringing you back except in fragments ,

when you slip focus for seconds and then regain

I hang on to the delicate thread of the moment

trying to soak up what you have to offer

with you on the border, you on the brink,

on the brim, on the rim of shattered shards

as you suddenly fade into thin air.

Although a long time ago, it had taken you away

at times it’s really tough seeing your vacant stare

into a space where the present exists not

and you ask me , “Do you have a Daddy?”

And I say, “Mom, he passed away last year.”

“ Hush! child ,what if he was to hear?”

And from dry eyes I shed many a silent tear

 

Today you mouth strange words and thoughts

but I pause not to correct you

for no meaning it can wrought.

Since you forget to remember

I too remember to forget

as I remember for you

so you don’t have to.

Nor feel that you asked me

the same question again and again

as I answer it again and again.

Just as I, as a child, asked

the same questions time and again

but you tired not of giving

the same answers again and again.

 

I am happiest when I see

wonder in your eyes

for the pall on your memory has not swallowed

your fine taste, as you finger and admire

the rich sheen of my silk raiment;

or your favorite pastime of knitting

as you sit weaving love, stitch by stitch

into caps for your grandchildren       

with multi-colored skeins of your yarns

taking care not to get them entangled

unlike your nerves which no longer can be tied

into knots close enough to stop

your today slipping into your yesterdays,

for the bald patches in your brain

cannot grow back memories, so dear to us all

as you lose yourself

in a maze of make believe stories

which fill these empty spaces.

 

Now that you are at long last free

I pray for the release

of the pain of present and the past

and grant everlasting peace.

 I also often wonder

 if you have found something greater

and what we called  Alzheimer’s

 was only a gateway to something better!